I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
