I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
