Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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