yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
