it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
