About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
