Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
