I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
