I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
