pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
