I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
