Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
