just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
