Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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