Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
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