I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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