There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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