All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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