I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
