I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
