Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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