Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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