just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
