have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
