Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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