Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
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