They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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