I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
