she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
