I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm like, not good at living.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
