I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
