i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Randomize
