I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
