planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
