Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
