So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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