What a fucking waste of an outfit
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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