lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
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