do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
