My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
