I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
