the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
