why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Randomize
