i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Randomize
