Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
this hospital has no fireball
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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