Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i just wanna soil my oats bro
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
