I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
