M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
