I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Randomize
