I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
