Swine flu. Run for my life!
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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