I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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