Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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