I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
