Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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