don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
