Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
