My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
