Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
