Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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