I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
